Updated: May 8, 2020
Anyone who’s ever done weighted hip thrusts while having a serious conversation, got mad because you didn’t stop your Garmin, starts sentences with “My Fascia” or watched two guys arm wrestle over the last jar of Pure Protein knows, fitness is funny.
And let’s be real, sometimes fanatical.
The things we say, the things we do, and lawd help us, the things we WEAR. Every once in a while I take a step back and look at what I’m actually doing and it makes me laugh, but I keep on keepin’ on..
So this weekend while I was laying on the floor legs up the wall (doing yogi things) in at my house, I came up with this list. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it! And comment on ones I missed.
You know you’re a fitness junkie if….. 1. You carry sneakers, a mat, gloves, a jump rope and a change of clothes in your car at all times… and you’re not a serial killer.
2.. Your purse is stuffed with little baggies of (healthy) snacks… and you’re not a pothead.
3. You’ve ever spent time running around a playground… without chasing a toddler.
4. Your underwear is specially designed to wick moisture away, dry quickly and hide wet spots… and you’re not a potty training toddler in a pull-up.
5. ”Wardrobe malfunction” means that you got pinned with your arms above your head whilst trying to wiggle out of a sweaty sports bra. (And then what do you do? No seriously, I’m asking. Not that this has ever personally happened to me. Yes it has.)
6. You can say “That’s a great a snatch!” without a trace of irony. (See also: “That’s a great rack!”)
7. You’ve ever made a meal out of jerky, trail mix and the smashed remains of some bar and you weren’t stranded in the wilderness.
8. Your FitBit or I-watch accessorizes all your outfits. (Also: if you’ve ever worn the strap just to see how high your heart rate really gets during those intimate moments, PTA meetings, etc.)
9. You have more LBCs (little black capris) than you do LBDs (little black dresses)
10. Someone ever said to you, “Man, Fran was the WOD and I was in zone 5 thanks to the AMRAP thrusters*” and you
a) didn’t assume they were working in counter terrorism and
b) answered “Yeah those kippers are the worst. I had DOMS for days!”
11. You can name the BPM (beats per minute) of any pop song and you sync BPM’s to your run or ride.
12. Your socks come labeled with “L” and “R”… and your mom didn’t write them on with permanent marker. (Although that’s tots cool if she did. Moms are smart.)
13. You’ve ever spent a sick amount of money on a bra designed to squish your boobs down into a flat indistinguishable lump… instead of a miracle bust-boosting cleavage-creating bra.
14. You have a story about a gnarly bike/running/lifting accident with the scar to prove it… and it didn’t happen when you were a kid.
15. You break every song into chunks of eight counts.
16. You have an opinion about Whole30, Intermittent Fasting, Eating for Macros, Juicing etc, because you’ve tried them all!
17.: “GAINZ” is just part of your everyday vocabulary. Because, Gainz!!!
18. You can name 20 variations on the push-up… and do five every time you go to the bathroom. Even if it’s a public bathroom.
19. You’ve ever started a sentence with “Well mice aren’t humans but still the research is very convincing….”
20: You try to get away with wearing a sports bra every chance you get!
21: Every time you put on a crop you silently sing “Rain Drop, Crop Top!”
22. You’ve ever ended a sentence by singing “Girl look at that body! I work out!”
23: Your call to action for laundry is running out of workout clothes instead of socks
or underwear (For us…maybe about 2 weeks)
24: Been on pins and needles from overdoing the pre-workout. So, I know you have some awesome ones to add to my list! Finish this sentence, you know you’re a fitness geek if…